My Secret Admiring

I have a secret admiring.  No, not a secret admirer—at least not one that I’m aware of.  (Hey, dream guy, if you’re out there, it’s way past time to quit keeping it a secret, ok?)

Of course, after this post it will not be quite so secret any more, but that’s ok.  I shall be humbled by the revealing of my secret admiring, and perhaps you shall find this amusing.  It’s worth it.

Wednesday morning on arising, I looked out the sliding glass doors at the end of our house, across the deck, and because our house is two storied, gazed directly into the eyes of a young…


…Buzzard.

Yes, my secret admiring is buzzards.  At least, American Turkey Buzzards.  I was gazing into his eyes because he had foolishly decided that the top of our security light pole would be a lovely roost for the night.  As I said, he was young.

I know he was young because after inspecting him with the binoculars the girls and I gave ourselves for Christmas last year (for viewing night skies, actually, but they work great for other things, too) dear old Google was brought into service to find out what kind of buzzard he was.  Finally this picture popped up, and I knew I had found my bird:

Mature turkey buzzards have red heads, which was why it took a few minutes of searching to discover why this one had a grey head. 

Buzzards live in abundance in our area.  For some, I am sure they are pests.  I know that the electric company has installed special shields of some kind underneath the boom arms of the big standards carrying the large, high-voltage wires along a nearby highway, supposedly for some purpose related to the pestiferousness (it’s my word.  Don’t make fun of it unless you’ve never made up a word) of these beasties.  The shields don’t seem to keep them from roosting on the booms, so I have no idea what other purpose they serve.  Sometimes rows of the birds can be seen on standard after standard, most of them with the outstretched wings typical of the species.  This pose is reportedly for the purpose of exposing as much surface area to the sun in order to burn off all the bacteria they encounter during meals.

For buzzards, as you probably know, are one of the Creator’s solutions to garbage disposal.  Many a time I have observed one or a group of them (and occasionally swerved to miss them) on the road as they fed on the unfortunate remains of another animal’s encounter with 4,000 plus pounds of steel hurtling at 60 miles an hour.  So the first thing that I will mention about my admiration of buzzards is that they willingly clean up the worst possible messes made.

Sort of like your mother.

In addition, they clean up the leftovers from other animals’ meals.

Also sort of like your mother.

An article on the subject comments that turkey buzzards:

have weak, chickenlike feet, which are suitable for running on the ground.  These vultures cannot lift or carry food with their feet.  They can only step on their food to hold it in place while eating.

I admire this because it would be a very helpful condition for those of us who are mass-challenged.  It would be more difficult to increase in mass if they only way we could eat was to tear off pieces of our food while holding it down with our feet, don’t you think?  Now…don’t steal my idea.  I’m thinking of marketing it on the shopping channel!

Yes, folks, for just 19.95 you too can become the slim, trim person of your dreams!  Simply purchase the Amazing Trimmer-Downer and use as directed.  You exercise while you eat!

This is not like your mother….but she may need one!  Buy one for her for Christmas, and we’ll throw in the Amazing Secret Weapon Tipbook for free!

Haha.  Just kidding.

The buzzard’s secret weapon is rather…disgusting.  I read the Amazing Secret Weapon Tipbook, btw.  I tried it during the first few months of each of my children’s gestations—but it didn’t work.  You can’t get good quality help anymore, you know?

The most important thing I admire about buzzards, though, is their flight.  The Vulture Society website (yeah, I know…who knew???) gives a few facts about turkey buzzard flight:

Flight
Turkey Vultures fly with their wings in a dihedral (V-shape).  They are most graceful in flight, and can soar for hours at high altitudes without ever flapping their wings.  Their occasional necessary flaps and takeoffs are quite laborious, however, and the birds often fall victim to predators and cars as a result. 
  How the Turkey Vulture Flies:
The turkey vulture is one of the most skilled gliders among the North American birds.  It migrates across the continents with minimal energy output.  Vultures launch themselves from their perches only after the morning air has warmed.  Then, they circle upward, searching for pockets of rising warm air, or thermals.  Once they have secured a thermal, they allow it to carry them upward in rising circles.  When they reach the top of the thermal, they dive across the sky at speeds near 60 miles per hour, losing altitude until they reach another thermal.  All this is done without the necessity to flap.  In fact, the turkey vulture can glide for over 6 hours at a time without flapping a wing!

Apparently the area of our neighborhood has some seriously great thermals, because hardly a day goes by when we can’t spot a buzzard or two or three soaring effortlessly up and up and up until they are barely a speck in the sky.  Often, they zoom directly over our house, casting large, fast-moving shadows on the windows, alerting us to the fact that the buzzards are playing in our sky “yard” again. 

I am fascinated by watching them.  There is something so joyful, and so amusing, and so…inspiring, I guess, about watching these creatures, whose dirty, thankless, smelly job would seem to make them bitter and gloomy and friendless.  They use the energy they acquire from cleaning up messes to soar to giddy heights again and again.

And that makes me think.  And smile.  God gave them the nastiest, dirtiest job, but also gave them one of the greatest gifts.

Sort of like your mother.


.....HOLDFAST