Art And All That

This post hasn't been given a "Part" number because it isn't a meditation on the subject, but rather a demonstration of True Art.

In rap.

Yep.  Believe it.  Dig it.



HoldFast...

Starting Over...Or Again

Well, when I began this blog I promised myself to blog each week.  Typically, I did well at first in keeping that commitment to myself, evening disciplining myself to blog when I had nothing I felt was important to say. 
And then Nutcracker weekend happened.
And then Thanksgiving weekend happened.
And then my computer crashed. (Don't buy from Toshiba.  Don't trust Toshiba Online Backup--I promised Toshiba I would share this information with you. And they still owe me $60).
And then graduation/Christmas-family-celebration weekend happened.

Is this what those bumper stickers that say "stuff happens" are referring to?

And so at least three weeks have passed without a post here at the HoldFast.  Life can get crazy, after all, and it's important to keep priorities in order.   Real life trumps blog life every time. Hold fast to what is good...


Speaking of priorities, one of my first posts after the new year will deal with the correct priority of art and artists in the church; another will deal with financial/monetary priorities and a concept we at our house call "thinking poor".

Now we will pause the regularly scheduled pointless blogging for a moment of shameless self-aggrandizement:

Yes, folks, you'd think I wouldn't brag about the fact that it took me 30 years to get this degree, but anybody who sticks to it that long ought to get a moment or two to crow about it.

Seriously:  I gave the following advice to my children about a year into the final sprint to finish this degree

"Go to school now and get your degree while you're young--don't be stupid like I was and give that up to become a domestic engineer too soon.  But when you are 40 go back.  Go back to school.  It is so much more fun, so much more interesting, and so much easier to make good grades.  It will be a highlight of your life!"

I am so grateful for all that God did in my life during the last three years.  Partly, I now know, He sent me to school to keep me out of His business in getting a couple of children married off and my mind working on something so it didn't have time to worry about the future, which He already has planned out and secure.   But I am so grateful that He made the school part, the academic part, so fun and engaging.  Yes, it was hard, and some of it was downright scary (try going into college algebra 25 years after you took high school algebra--and failed!).  I met some awesome educators, had my faith in the younger generation restored (exclusive of my children:  I know they are great already!), was humbled by the willingness of the administration to help me achieve my goal and by the willingness of my children and family to make the sacrifices necessary.  God's grace was everywhere abundant, even during the darkest days of this journey when I questioned whether I should even be alive.

Presently I'm wondering;  if it took 30 years for me to get my BA, how long will it take for me to get a Masters? Hmmm...I don't think my newly acquired algebraic skills are up to this computation!  I also think I might be addicted to school.

And now back to our regularly scheduled pointless blogging.

Meh.  Nevermind.  God helping me, I'll try to make at least one good point for us to ponder until I can get organized and put up next week's post.  Family Christmas being over, and all, and being on Christmas break from teaching, I should be able to manage it.

One of the reasons I picked the name of this blog is because it has so many, many applications.  Not only the scriptures use the phrase repeatedly, but it is used in many other contexts as well.  Just now on Wikipedia I found that "hold fast" will bring up a definition as follows:

A hold fast is an accessory used on a woodworking workbench to fix a workpiece to the top or side of the bench while it is being worked.
A hold fast is shaped like a shepherd's hook. In use, the shank fits loosely into a hole in the top or side of the bench and the tip of the hook is pressed against the work. The hold fast is set by rapping the top with a mallet, which causes the shaft to wedge against the sides of the hole. It is released by hitting the back side. A good holdfast works remarkably well, and is inexpensive and easy to install.

Now isn't that interesting?  That is precisely what I reported above that God was doing in part while I went to school during the last three years:  He was holding me down, in one place, too busy with school to meddle in His business.  All around me His work was being done, and He was molding me and shaping me, too, of course:  yet mostly from my perspective He was keeping me out of the way but held secure.  I find it significant that the hold fast is shaped like a shepherd's hook, don't you? 

Maybe sometimes I felt like the workbench was unstable; life did quite a bit of re-adjusting during these three years--but the Shepherd held me fast.

Sometimes I felt like the entire work had been ruined by a bad decision on my part.  At least once it was caused by too much red tape:  an item I had no control over (note to self and others:  if you give a bureaucracy $740 to hold your place in a class, but the original bill was $750, they WILL drop from the course for that matter of $10.  And they will NOT tell you that they dropped you from it)!  Yet here I am at the finish line, and the work is not flawed.

Often I felt a LOT of pressure!  But that pressure was only the security of being held fast by the Shepherd in precisely the position necessary to finish the work.

Let's just say that in the matter of that diploma, there's a lot more education behind it than the transcript reveals.  Maybe we'll talk about some of the courses that should show on the transcript in future posts, who knows?

Thinky Things

Has there been a time in your life when you felt God holding you in place?  When the pressure of his Shepherd's crook was holding you still? 

Betty Stam, missionary and martyr to China along with her husband John wrote the following poem during a difficult time in her life before she even went to China.  In my mind it relates to the woodworking holdfast.  Copied from my own copy of Elizabeth Elliot's Quest For Love,  I offer it for your meditation and enjoyment:

Stand Still and See

I'm standing, Lord:
There is a mist that blinds my sight.
Steep, jagged rocks, front, left and right,
Lower, dim, gigantic, in the night.
Where is the way?

I'm standing, Lord:
The black rock hems me in behind,
Above my head a moaning wind
Chills and oppresses heart and mind.
I am afraid!

I'm standing, Lord:
The rock is hard beneath my feet;
I nearly slipped, Lord, on the sleet.
So weary, Lord! And where a seat?
Still must I stand?

He answered me, and on His face
A look ineffable of grace,
Of perfect, understanding love,
Which all my murmuring did remove.

I'm standing, Lord:
Since Thou hast spoken, Lord I see
Thou has beset--these rocks are Thee!
And since Thy love encloses me,

I stand and sing.

Until next time:
Hold Fast...

Art And All That + Heaven + Radical

I apologize ahead of time that this post is somewhat stream-of-consciousness.  That’s the way God works sometimes, though, have you noticed?  You read a book, then you hear a sermon.  Perhaps you pick up a tract, or something in your Bible study time jumps out at you and “click”…it all links together like a huge train engine that just backed up and latched onto a 40 car train.  A few chugs from the engine and suddenly you’re full steam ahead on a whole new perspective about life.

Well, that’s what happened to me last Saturday.  I’ll try to keep it simple for you, but HOLD FAST…’cause it may be a bumpy ride.

I tried to sort out the chronology of all the different facets of my thought process that morning.  Here’s how I remember it.

First, I read the book Heaven by Randy Alcorn—at least I think that was first.  If it wasn’t first, it was first concurrent with number 2 below.  This amazing book is summarized in part by the following paragraph from its description over at Barnes & Noble’s website:

In the most comprehensive and definitive book on Heaven to date, Randy invites you to picture Heaven the way Scripture describes it—a bright, vibrant, and physical New Earth, free from sin, suffering, and death, and brimming with Christ's presence, wondrous natural beauty, and the richness of human culture as God intended it.

Read it.  It will ramp your passion for evangelism at least 3 notches while at the same time flattening your complaining attitude by at least a figure of 6 decibels.  You’ll never look at life or read the Bible the same again.

Second (or perhaps concurrently with number 1 above), I listened to an entire quarter’s worth of teachings from over at  Discover The Word, a radio/podcast program that I have found to be not only very biblically solid, but also enjoyable to listen to (and not just because the lead teacher, Haddon Robinson, sounds like my maternal grandfather).  The programs aired from January of this year through March.  The programs are in the archives over there—I encourage you to listen to them.

These programs were on the theology of work.

Later in the year my son-in-law started reading, and eventually reviewed, a book by David Platt entitled Radical.  Disclaimer:  I have not read the book.  I have only watched the video and discussed the premises of the book with my daughter and son-in-law.  The video summarizes the point of the book by stating:

“Church, we are Plan A…and there IS NO PLAN B”

And a paragraph at the official website for the book reads as follows:

It’s easy for American Christians to forget how Jesus said his followers would actually live, what their new lifestyle would actually look like. They would, he said, leave behind security, money, convenience, even family for him. They would abandon everything for the gospel. They would take up their crosses daily…But who do you know who lives like that? Do you?

However, the problem is perhaps stated well by the review my son-in-law wrote for his church’s website:

No one should object to reminders of neglected foreign mission fields, or reiterating the Gospel call. But for many readers who already struggle with basic needs, who aren’t in Platt’s main audience of consumer-driven Christians, and who want to support a local church, what does the call to radical faith look like? One answer: very often it looks like being faithful in small ways, living a quiet life and working with one’s hands (1 Thess. 4:11). Very often Christians who have not devoted more time to Ministry are already being radical in their homes, churches and jobs.

The third event that formed a car in this thought train was the beginning of this blog, and the main focus it has providentially assumed so far:  Art And All That.  This is a subject close to my heart and upon which I meditate quite frequently.

So now we come finally to last Saturday morning, when I was doing something as prosaic as cooking breakfast:  just standing there not-so-innocently in my jammies, non-chalantly frying up some delicious home made sourdough French toast for the family.  And Ka-CHINK, BOOM, CLANK, ClanK, Clank, clank…the engine linked up and began moving ahead, all cars attached.

I thought “This meal is totally unhealthy, but otherwise it is going to be so exquisite that it will be like giving my family a little taste of heaven” (clank clank).  That's when I realized that this was exactly what we should all be doing, every day.  Giving everyone around us a little taste of heaven by doing whatever it is that we do as excellently as we can with as good an attitude as we can in as much love and compassion as we can because they need to have their appetites whetted for Heaven.  It’s the Gospel…or at least a large part of it.

And that is Art.  And.  All.  That. 

This makes it so that everything we do is a work of Art.  Cleaning a toilet excellently, with a good attitude, so that your family enjoys a taste of the cleanliness and comfort we will experience in Heaven.  Closing an account, accurate to the penny, with an attitude of joy so that your client will get a taste of the faithfulness and justice they can experience in Heaven.  Cooking a delicious meal…you get the idea.

One of the stories used during the Discover the Word program to illustrate such a situation was told by Haddon Robinson.  I’ve summarized it.

A man works in a union job in a factory, in an area where there's a lot of steam.  Two coworkers know he is a Christian, and to torment him, they open the window, letting in the cold air and jeapordizing the health of the Christian worker each day.  The Christian prays for God to help him continually react in a kind manner each day.  Eventually one of the coworkers is saved, not because the Christian did anything radical or witnessed to him, but because he remembered his endurance and kindness.  He heard the gospel preached in a church, not one he was invited to by this coworker, just one he happened to attend; but when he heard the Gospel, he remembered that coworker's patience, and that made up his mind for him to come to Christ.

Clank clank.

Then I thought “what I do for my family is the same day in and day out.  I clean the toilets, do the laundry, cook the breakfast.  Every day.  It gets old.  It gets tiresome, and boring.  But let’s say I decide to follow Mr. Platt’s call to be Radical, sell all I have, put my kids in boarding school, and head off into the deep dark pagan mists.”

Well, what happens then?

I still have the goal of attempting to give the pagans a little taste of heaven in all that I do, whether it's preaching the gospel or drilling a water well.  I will still have to do it excellently, and with a good attitude that shows I know that there are more important things--eternal things--that dwarf our little frustrations here.  And I'll have to do it every day, all the time.  I’ll still be cleaning toilets, doing laundry, and cooking.

It’s going to get old.  It’s going to get tiresome, and boring.  And after awhile, it’s not going to seem so radical anymore.

Clank, clank.  Chug, chug.

So, here’s my question for Mr. Platt, and for all the gifted Christian computer programmers and CPAs  who’ve quit their perfectly good jobs which supported their families to become a seminary wonk and go to school to become a…whatever:  something in “ministry” so they can be radical, something which may or may not actually fit the gifts God has given them.

If you can't do that (Giving everyone around you a little taste of heaven by doing whatever it is that you  do as excellently as you can with as good an attitude as you can in as much love and compassion as you can because they need to have their appetites whetted for Heaven) in the here and now, in your very UN-radical life, what makes you think you could do it in a third-world, pagan country, or in the inner city?

Now, don’t get me wrong.  I’m not saying that if you answer that question with “I don’t think I can”, that lets you off the hook for going on mission.

Nosirree.  What it does is call you to begin living your radically UN-radical life where God has you now in a decidedly RADICAL way.

In a way that communicates the Gospel in a True Art way.  In a way that shows you know what is eternal and what is not.  In a way that shows you know you own NOTHING (does your living room couch belong to Christ?  Can He use it any way He wants?  How about your computer?  Your big screen t.v.--or even more radical, the t.v. controls?), and you owe EVERYTHING to Christ (your life.  your giftings--does He have your permission to use them anyway He wants? your children.  your time).  In a way that creates a hunger for Heaven in everyone with whom you come into contact.

Every.  Single.  Day.

Dayindayoutbuythegroceriesgotoworkcomehomefromworkplaywiththekidshugthewifedothedishesloveyourneighbor
keepthespeedlimitvoteconscientiouslypatientlyendurethestupidcoworkeranonymouslyheroicallycreateahungerfore
Heavenineveryonearoundyou.

You live like that, God says He’ll give you even more (Matt 25:21).  He’ll see to it you live radically, oh yes.  You may find yourself in the inner city or a pagan third world country preaching the gospel...but it won't be because you did something different--it will be because you were already living radically in your every day life, and God led you there step by providential step.  And while you're there you won't face the temptation of thinking you might be more useful, more radical somewhere else.

Begin today.  What you are doing TODAY is PLAN A…BE RADICAL in it.

Oh.  And here’s the toilet brush.

HOLD FAST

Art And All That Part IX

I've mentioned this fellow before--his was the article I based Part IV on. Here is a video detailing his newest project, interviewing him, and explaining some of his approach to art and the struggles that go with being a Christian artist.

Makoto Fujimura’s Illuminated Gospel Book Project: “The Four Holy Gospels”

Please watch it, and ponder. And then...

Hold Fast

Art And All That Part VIII

As they say, it never rains but it pours!  The last couple of weeks I have struggled to come up with any kind of a blog post at all, finally resorting to posting someone else’s thoughts, and then to being grateful for the troll who started spamming the comments thread with Catholic dogma just so that I could make a post about posting rules.

True to Murphy’s Law (or one of its many corollaries), this week I have material for 3 different posts!  I decided to go with the more contiguous opportunity, and here we are at Part 8 of Art and All That.  Today my friend C. L. Dyck wrote a guest post over at the Speculative Faith blog on a subject closely related to that of the Part 7 post—how should Christian artists do what they do, and why?

We’ve all heard the term “senseless evil”.  In fact, through the magic of television, we’ve probably all witnessed the results of acts of senseless evil.  The term is bandied about by politicos, moralists, and anyone who wants to sensationally sling mud, and has become somewhat dumbed-down as a result.  C. L. Dyck mentions this example:

Wherever there’s a moral podium involved, we sure can make a lot of noise about senseless evil, as I witnessed recently when a young reader posted her (Christian) opinions on the manufactured inclusion of same-sex characters in YA books. Apparently her opinions were considered by some to be an act of senseless violence in writing. (Why yes. That dripping sound is the sarcasm tank leaking. I’ll have to fix that someday. In the meantime, don’t worry, it’s not too combustible.)

CathyLyn goes on to note that we all agree that senseless evil exists, even if we can’t agree on a definition for it.

Over the years I have had the experience of being taught that reading or watching stories containing acts of senseless evil was bad.  It sounded so right when someone suggested that it would be wrong to be entertained by something that was evil in the sight of the Lord, even if it wasn’t a true story.  These teachers use several scriptures to support their teaching.  Scriptures such as:

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Philippians 4:8

22 Abstain from all appearance of evil. I Thessalonians 5:22 KJV

These teachers are forgetting, as I forgot when listening to them, that the Bible includes all kinds of stories containing acts of senseless evil, and that not only the Old Testament, but Jesus Himself used stories containing acts of senseless evil to illustrate principles He was teaching (see these, for example: 2 Samuel 12:1-4; Matthew 18:23-35).

Can we just all agree here that it is generally a bad idea to try to be holier than God?  Thanks for that, then.  Now we can move on.

We love to focus on that evil thing, whether we are enjoying it or whether we are sensationalizing it and opposing it.  We Christians specialize in being against things.  But what are we for?

But CathyLyn brings forward the arresting argument of senseless beauty:

In the kerfuffle, we forget that so does senseless beauty. Some things are inarguably beautiful, for no explicable reason. Argue with a sunset, if you will. That insensate phenomenon, without a word of reply, will make you look the fool.
Evil, we can wrangle. We can invent rationalizations. We can build boxes, however poorly we manage to stuff the vagaries of evil into them. But senseless beauty? Its only defensible, rational explanation lies in a personal, infinite and good Creator God.

Indeed.  In fact, I’m tempted to depart from the subject matter at hand to comment on the irrationality of an atheist or an evolutionist who holds their beliefs in the face of a sunset, or the complexity of a snowflake, or the symmetry and brilliancy of a dying leaf.  That is why Christians ought to do Art—though it is not senseless beauty, but rather sensible, it is modeled on that beauty God built into the world, and also is an expression of loving God with all our minds.

But I digress.  We’re talking about writing, specifically writing about senseless evil.  CathyLyn next makes a profound statement:

True beauty doesn’t shy from the wretched facts any more than it indulges them; rather, it transforms their context.

Isn’t that just what God does?  Isn’t that very God-like?  Consider the following:

For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. Romans 5:10

For your hands are defiled with blood, And your fingers with iniquity; Your lips have spoken lies, Your tongue has muttered perversity. Isaiah 59:3

Who is a God like You, Pardoning iniquity And passing over the transgression of the remnant of His heritage? He does not retain His anger forever, Because He delights in mercy. Micah 7:18

God doesn’t indulge us in our wretchedness.  Neither does He shy away from our wretched selves, but rather transforms the context:  we are made lovely because of Him and His Son’s finished work on the cross (a senseless evil if there ever was one—except that it wasn’t senseless.  It was planned by God Himself).

CathyLyn concludes this way:

Think about that every time you question what it is to write.
Two things, then, are necessary: to know God deeply, and to unabashedly refine your craftsmanship. Faithfulness and fluency. This is the transformation of an artist—a creature of darkness and fumbling ugliness—within a new context. (2 Cor. 5:17) God does not shy away from our wretched persons, nor our wretched facts.
When your writing of evil is a prayer of senseless beauty, you have defeated it. The pen is mightier than the sword.

THINKY THINGS

Wowza.  The only thing I would add would actually be to broaden the scope of what she said by allowing you to fill in the blank with your own choice of artistry where she has specified “write” and “writing”.  Thusly:

Think about that every time you question what it is to ___________.  When your ______________of evil is a prayer of senseless beauty, you have defeated it.

Do you know God deeply?  Are you unabashedly refining your craftsmanship?  What potential does your art have to become a prayer of senseless beauty, victorious over the evil?

HOLD FAST!
(P.S., you can read the entire article HERE .  C.L. Dyck has her own blog, well worth reading, which you can find HERE)

LET IT BEGIN, LET IT BEGIN!!!

Well, well, well.  I was wondering how long it would take for someone to force me to make rules.  And we have a winnah!!!

Comment Number 2 on the "Submission To Future Pain" post has won the award, dingdingdingdingding!

I was about to put the following in a reply to his comment, but decided that since it contains information vital to all comments here, bumped it up to Post status, instead. 

The Rules

Well, hello there, Mike.  Thanks for commenting.

Copied that right off your favorite Roman Catholic website, eh?

I’m actually grateful for your post, because it gives me a chance to start delineating the rules for this blog.  So far, no one yet has broken them.  But you came along and poof…we got rules!  So thanks for that.

Rule #1

READ THE SIDEBAR BEFORE POSTING.

If you had read the sidebar “about me” on this blog, you would be well aware that I am a 5 point (is there any other kind?) Calvinist.  Therefore your quotations from the Catholic Catechism I admit of no authority nor scriptural validity, and your Lumen Gentium is extra-canonical and therefore inadmissible as evidence as well.

Now, if you have honest questions about canon, scriptural defense of predestination, or Calvinism, come on in, sit down and make yourself comfortable. I’ll fix you a big ol’ glass of Texas sweet iced-tea (is there any other kind?) and we’ll have a friendly, if deep, discussion.

Or if you want to proselyte, that’s legal as well, long as you keep your manners.  Just remember turnabout’s fair play.  You proselyte us, we get to proselyte you, and it's all in good fun, dontcha know. 

Disagreeing with me or other comments here is also allowed, even encouraged,  as long as you mind your manners.  One ad hominem attack, one insult, one pointless post, and you’re out.  Keep to the subject, defend your point intelligently and humbly.

Rule #2

EVERYONE GETS ONE FREE TROLL PASS

First offense merits a warning and an invitation to state your question or point more clearly and relationally so that we can engage with it in a civil manner.

Anyone who shows up at the blog and knocks on the door with their troll suit on a second time will find themselves kicked under the gate and the dogs set on them to chase them back under the bridge where trolls belong.  And their comment will be deleted without warning along with all subsequent comments by them.

You just used up your Free Pass, Mike.  So if you come back, you’ll have to 1) use evidence that is admissible in a Calvinist court (that would be the Bible…Protestant Canon if it makes a difference) and 2)  make your point in such a way that it’s obvious you’re in the discussion for the long haul, planning to mind your manners, able and willing to learn, and ready to engage relationally with the posters and commenters as persons and not just infidels.

I do really hate to seem so inhospitable on a first visit like this, but you just happened to trip the wire, Mike.  No hard feelings, ok?  Just abide by the rules and we’ll all have a good ol’ time.

Now that we have rules…LET THE GAMES BEGIN!!!

HOLD FAST

Cheating...

I'm cheating a bit on this post:  last week was rather challenging as well as busy and I didn't get a post made on Friday or Saturday.

We had a great Reformation celebration at our house on Sunday night, too, which was so fun.  A fire in the grill allowed us to roast marshmallows and hotdogs while gabbing with our church family and neighbors under the stars.  It's still quite warm here, so no one even needed jackets.  That made the hot apple cider and hot cocoa a little less popular, but it was fun all the same.

Anyway, busy.  But I just came across this excerpt on my Logos 4 and it was so good I thought I'd post it here as a way of keeping my promise to myself to post at least once a week--so I am cheating in a way.  Perhaps in a few days I will have pictures of the celebration to post along with some commentary as well.  For now, allow this to sink into your heart:

In the prison prayers of Paul (Eph. 1:15–23; 3:14–21; Phil. 1:9–11; Col. 1:9–12), we discover the blessings he wanted his converts to enjoy. In none of these prayers does Paul request material things. His emphasis is on spiritual perception and real Christian character. He does not ask God to give them what they do not have, but rather prays that God will reveal to them what they already have.Wiersbe, W. W. (1996). The Bible exposition commentary (Eph 1:13). Wheaton, Ill.: Victor Books.

A goodly thing for us to learn about  praying for ourselves, and for others.

HOLD FAST

Submission to Future Pain

Recently a pastor’s sermon challenged the congregation to reflect on their lives as they were 5 years ago, and compare it with their lives today to see the progress God has built into their lives.  I was in that congregation, and I have been meditating on that challenge ever since.

My first thought was that yes, I had grown—but not in the ways I wanted to grow!  There are several pet sins in my life that I have begged God to purge for years, yet I see little or no improvement.  If I focused on those evidences, I would certainly despair of my salvation.  But the unavoidable conclusion was that there were differences in my life compared to five years ago, and on the whole, they were evidence of growth:  they just weren’t in the areas that I think must be important to God!

Behold my arrogance:  as if I know what is most important to Him.

Instead of targeting what I DO, the changes targeted what I believe and how I react in attitude to my circumstances.  This was somewhat disappointing:  after all, I want to glorify God by becoming such a great Christian on the outside that people will look at me and notice how well I glorify Him…oh, wait.  That’s not glorifying God.  That’s glorifying me.  Well, then, I want to glorify God by doing awesome, difficult things for Him so that people will be amazed at the things I have accomplished for…oops.  That’s not glorifying God, either.

Well, then, at the very least I just don’t want to hurt anymore.  Recently, though, I’ve realized that not even that will best glorify God.  Instead, God has been enabling me to pray that He would make me able to submit to the pain that is in His plan for my future.

You see, I have been through a lot in the last 12 years of my life.  God took my husband Home instantaneously through a hit-and-run accident when our children were 15, 12, 5, and 15 months.  I was left to raise them on my own, while grieving the loss of my best friend and lover. 

A few years afterward we moved and joined a local church which, at first, felt like “home”.  During this time I developed a serious crush on a single fellow in our congregation:  only to discover that he was secretly a child pornography addict when he was arrested by the FBI.  This hurt so bad, mostly because I had exposed my children to danger through my undisciplined emotions, though I had worked very hard to control them both before the children and in public.

Not long after that it was revealed that the pastor of the church where we were serving was not a pastor at all:  rather he was a manipulative, power hungry tyrant.  Our family had invested heavily in this church both with service and with finances.  As far as I could tell, I was following God as hard as I could when we joined there.  So to discover this and go through the pain of trying to reconcile, being rejected and having all our service rejected, and then having to separate from the congregation without anyone truly understanding why was extremely painful and something I determined to avoid at all costs for both myself and my children’s sake in the future.

We fled to a small, uber-denominational church which my parents attended and which we judged to be at least safe from megalomaniacal leadership due to its governmental structure.  And four years later we left, having discovered that obedience to the scriptures was not considered an imperative for the members of this “church”.

During that time other difficulties arose within our own family which caused deep fear and distress and even depression (in retrospect).  These months were so painful that I literally cried almost every day, often spent days with my stomach in knots, unable to sleep for more than a few hours at a time.  I was trying so hard to follow God, and yet these painful things were happening to me!

I share all this so that you will know, when reading what comes after, that I am not speaking out of a lack of experience of deep emotional and spiritual pain.  Because it’s possible that it may seem crazy for me to pray that God would make me able to submit to the pain He has planned for my future.  I am highly motivated to avoid a repeat of intense pain of any kind!

However, after serious reflection and meditation on these experiences and comparing them to scripture and what I know of the God of the bible, I have come to conclude that there is no way I could have avoided those painful experiences. 

In America especially, but probably in human experience generally, pain and suffering are something we think we should avoid at all costs.  A gospel of pain-avoidance has been preached…from prosperity preachers to the stolid fundamentalist teacher, if-you-would-just-live-this-way-do-this-follow-this-set-of-rules has been proclaimed as the gospel of pain avoidance. “Those terrible things wouldn’t have happened to you if you had only done [fill in the blank]”.

But a serious study of scripture will show this to be no gospel at all.  If we could save ourselves, we would.

Let me be sure to clarify something before continuing:  what I am not saying here is that I am perfect and blameless in each of these circumstances.  What I AM saying is that even if I had been perfect and blameless in each of them, there would still have been pain—I still would have encountered painful situations in my life.  Living blamelessly is no panacea.  Being perfect and sinless doesn’t lead to painlessness. (If you think I'm wrong, just meditate for a moment on our Lord:  sinless, but not painless!)

Following each of these experiences I found myself afflicted with the “what if” syndrome.  The motivation to avoid any future pain of that type and intensity drove me to frantically consider what I could have done to avoid these experiences.  I blamed myself, mostly, and sought to pinpoint the exact moment when I deviated from the “path”, causing so much agony for my children and myself, so much disillusionment.  But eventually I came to realize that I couldn’t have, wouldn’t have done anything different.  The “what if” syndrome extends to the future, also: constantly fearing what might happen, what bad decisions I might make, what evil people might inflict upon us, what mess an incomplete understanding of God’s instructions might lead to.  If I couldn’t have avoided it in the past, then I logically come to the conclusion that neither can I do anything to avoid future pain.

Recently someone expressed to me their belief that the doctrines of Calvinism seemed to them the most hopeless of gospel understandings.  These painful experiences have emphatically taught me differently:  God’s Sovereignty, His ordination of everything that I have been through, is the most hopeful thing I can imagine.  I cannot save myself—not for eternal life, and not in this life.  I cannot even behave in such a way as to avoid pain.  But God has ordained that only that pain which will best benefit me and ultimately best glorify Him, and not a smidgen more or less, will be allowed in my life.

And that is why my prayer for myself now is that I may jettison the “what if” syndrome, cease to try to figure out what I can do to avoid future pain, and instead concentrate on Christ and Him crucified:  To seek His kingdom zealously, to love unreservedly, to be involved generously, to live graciously and joyfully, not in fearful expectation but in glorious hope of the redemption of ALL things.  These scriptures inform my prayers:

who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. 6       In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, 7       so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.  1 Pe 1:5–7

Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. 10       He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again. 2 Co 1:9–10

Oswald Chambers has this to say on the subject in the devotional for October 23 (God’s Sovereignty at work again!):

Our Lord never nurses our prejudices, He mortifies them, runs clean athwart them…. It is part of our moral education to have our prejudices run straight across by His providence, and to watch how He does it. God pays no respect to anything we bring to Him; there is only one thing He wants of us, and that is our unconditional surrender….How are we going to get the life that has no lust, no self-interest, no sensitiveness to pokes, the love that is not provoked, that thinketh no evil, that is always kind? The only way is by allowing not a bit of the old life to be left, but only simple perfect trust in God, such trust that we no longer want God’s blessings, but only want Himself. Have we come to the place where God can withdraw His blessings and it does not affect our trust in Him? When once we see God at work, we will never bother our heads about things that happen, because we are actually trusting in our Father in Heaven Whom the world cannot see.

In the devotional Thoughts for the Quiet Hour, the meditation for today is on I Kings 2:38; “As my lord the king hath said, so will thy servant do”:

There is something infinitely better than doing a great thing for God, and the infinitely better thing is to be where God wants us to be, to do what God wants us to do, and to have no will apart from His. • G. Campbell Morgan

And our hope in this was simply and profoundly stated by my daughter in an answering text as we discussed giving in to the realization that we can only learn from what is coming, not avoid it:

"Amen, and no matter what happens, God is in control and there is a time coming when everyone will be completely trustworthy!"

Thinky Things

If you’ve made it to the end of this lengthy post, I thank you for persevering, and by way of thanks this once I will not impose distracting thoughts of my own on your meditation.  The following scripture references may be of assistance: 1 Sam 2:9, Job 23:20, Psalm 66:10, Isa 48:10, Rom 8:18, 2 Cor 4:17, 2 Thess 1:7-12, James 1:2-3, I Pet 4:12-13.  As you ponder, remember to…

HOLD FAST

Art And All That, Part VII

I keep thinking that I will blog on another subject, but then God ordains that something comes up during the week that seems relevant to this topic, and so here we are at Part VII. 

Although we’ll be talking about Art, it’s been the “week of technology” at our house.  My parents have gifted me with a laptop (thanks, Mom and Dad, and thanks God!) which arrived Friday evening sans some of its basic software (boo, Toshiba) but otherwise in working order, making me giddy and keeping me from posting this as usual on Friday night.  Earlier in the week the girls and I were delighted to receive our Christmas Present To Ourselves.  This is a new tradition at our house which began when the nestlings commenced moving out and off and starting their own families.  Those who are still at home all contribute to a larger gift that will benefit everyone instead of purchasing separate gifts for one another.  This year we were blessed to be able to purchase a fairly nice telescope to add to our binoculars from last year.  We ordered it early so that we could catch a few fall night-sky events before it gets too cold for us girls.  As we opened it, we were singing Christmas songs. 

Next year, we’ve promised ourselves new linens throughout the house!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My precious son-in-law sent me a link to a blog this week that produced plenty of fodder for my own blog.
 
Does anyone else find it interesting to discover the ways God used art in scripture? 

In this case we will be looking at visual arts, drama, and dance. 

Thinky Things (this week they come first as well as last!)

As you attended church today (if you did), did you look at your surroundings?  Were there visual reminders of the gospel other than a cross?  Stained glass windows?  Paintings?

During the service:  was there a drama or skit today or within the last month at your church?
 
Lastly, when was the most recent time you experienced a liturgical dance at church?

You see, music is not the only art God created for worship.  All genres of art find their most glorious heights of artistry when used to point us to the glories of Him Who Created Art.  Yet for long and long the church has shunned certain genres of art and banned them from the worship services of the gathered church.  As a result, many of these genres have been given over entirely to humanists and pagans. 

In looking through scripture, however, we find that God has not shunned any type of art in communicating His message to us!  Visual arts (the heavens declare…) drama (Prophecies of Ezekiel, Jeremiah, and Agabus) Dance (Miriam, David).

Consider Ezekiel.  Below is a rather lengthy passage in which God commands Ezekiel to represent by visual and dramatic arts the punishment He is about to inflict upon Israel for their disobedience.  To some phrases I have added highlights to point out the art.

    “And you, son of man, take a brick and lay it before you, and engrave on it a city, even Jerusalem. 2     And put siegeworks against it, and build a siege wall against it, and cast up a mound against it. Set camps also against it, and plant battering rams against it all around. 3     And you, take an iron griddle, and place it as an iron wall between you and the city; and set your face toward it, and let it be in a state of siege, and press the siege against it. This is a sign for the house of Israel.
4     “Then lie on your left side, and place the punishment of the house of Israel upon it. For the number of the days that you lie on it, you shall bear their punishment. 5     For I assign to you a number of days, 390 days, equal to the number of the years of their punishment. So long shall you bear the punishment of the house of Israel. 6     And when you have completed these, you shall lie down a second time, but on your right side, and bear the punishment of the house of Judah. Forty days I assign you, a day for each year. 7     And you shall set your face toward the siege of Jerusalem, with your arm bared, and you shall prophesy against the city. 8     And behold, I will place cords upon you, so that you cannot turn from one side to the other, till you have completed the days of your siege.
9     “And you, take wheat and barley, beans and lentils, millet and emmer, and put them into a single vessel and make your bread from them. During the number of days that you lie on your side, 390 days, you shall eat it. 10     And your food that you eat shall be by weight, twenty shekels a day; from day to day you shall eat it. 11     And water you shall drink by measure, the sixth part of a hin; from day to day you shall drink. 12     And you shall eat it as a barley cake, baking it in their sight on human dung.” 13     And the LORD said, “Thus shall the people of Israel eat their bread unclean, among the nations where I will drive them.” 14     Then I said, “Ah, Lord GOD! Behold, I have never defiled myself. From my youth up till now I have never eaten what died of itself or was torn by beasts, nor has tainted meat come into my mouth.” 15     Then he said to me, “See, I assign to you cow’s dung instead of human dung, on which you may prepare your bread.” 16     Moreover, he said to me, “Son of man, behold, I will break the supply of bread in Jerusalem. They shall eat bread by weight and with anxiety, and they shall drink water by measure and in dismay. 17     I will do this that they may lack bread and water, and look at one another in dismay, and rot away because of their punishment.

5:1     “And you, O son of man, take a sharp sword. Use it as a barber’s razor and pass it over your head and your beard. Then take balances for weighing and divide the hair. 2     A third part you shall burn in the fire in the midst of the city, when the days of the siege are completed. And a third part you shall take and strike with the sword all around the city. And a third part you shall scatter to the wind, and I will unsheathe the sword after them. 3     And you shall take from these a small number and bind them in the skirts of your robe. 4     And of these again you shall take some and cast them into the midst of the fire and burn them in the fire. From there a fire will come out into all the house of Israel.
5     “Thus says the Lord GOD: This is Jerusalem. I have set her in the center of the nations, with countries all around her. 6     And she has rebelled against my rules by doing wickedness more than the nations, and against my statutes more than the countries all around her; for they have rejected my rules and have not walked in my statutes. 7     Therefore thus says the Lord GOD: Because you are more turbulent than the nations that are all around you, and have not walked in my statutes or obeyed my rules, and have not even acted according to the rules of the nations that are all around you, 8     therefore thus says the Lord GOD: Behold, I, even I, am against you. And I will execute judgments in your midst in the sight of the nations. ( Ezekiel 4:1–5:8)

I’ll admit, that is not my favorite story in the Bible!  It is heavy with guilt and the wrath of God:  we all need that reminder more frequently than we get it.  If we heard it more often, perhaps we would remember that from which we have been saved, and be less inclined to take salvation for granted.

Zoe is a dancer who is reading through the Bible and blogging her thoughts as she goes through each passage.  Here’s a sample of what she has to say concerning this passage:

  “The neat thing about this is that God is using something besides just preaching to get a message across.  He's using visual representation and physically acting out the prophecy in a symbolic way.  Hey, that sounds an awful lot like drama!  Ezekiel has become, in a very weird sense, a performing artist prophet.”

She admits that:

This probably isn't the number one thing you're supposed to get out of reading Ezekiel 1-12, but for me, as a performing artist, it really stuck out.  

Performing Artist Prophet.  Now that’s a different—and interesting-- perspective.  It makes me think all kinds of things, like…I wonder if his friends (did he have any friends?  He had a wife…) thought “oh, that’s just Ezekiel trying to get attention.  Honestly, I wish he’d quit that sort of thing.  It takes attention way from God.”  Or, “That’s pretty cool…look at all the attention Ezekiel is getting! I can draw, too…I’m going to draw some stuff on clay.  My heart is right, so it will be God speaking just like Ezekiel.”  Or maybe when Ezekiel heard all this he wished there was a way to resign from being a prophet:  just like sometimes I’d like to resign from being a teacher/performer.  In fact, as it turns out, Jeremiah did feel that way, but found his call and message stronger than his desire to stop prophesying:

    If I say, “I will not mention him,
or speak any more in his name,”
there is in my heart as it were a burning fire
shut up in my bones,
and I am weary with holding it in,
and I cannot. 

As a performer, I understand this tension:  So many times I am judged for the very gifts that God has given me to use to proclaim His message; at the same time, I know that I must proclaim it somehow, using the gifts He gave me (and not other gifts that He has NOT given me) and I must do so in a very humble yet excellent manner.  This makes me glad God promises to accomplish these things in me, because trying to balance all of that for myself is impossible in my own wisdom and strength.

My particular gifting is in the area of music, which is currently and historically an accepted art in the church, even when it is restricted only to the singing of the human voice.  But a dancer’s perspective is quite different:

Dancing, though, is probably the most iffy art there is for Christians.  For so many centuries it was denounced by the Church or important leaders within the Church, although there were always some who objected to demonizing the art as a whole.  A few years ago I read an article that's actually fairly recent arguing that dance, while not inherently evil, probably always leads to bad things - the author claimed that it was the Israelites' dancing that angered Moses and caused him to break the original 10 Commandments, and even blamed Michal's anger at David's behavior on David!  As a dancer, I found this incredibly disturbing.  Fortunately, I think that with the rise of dance ministries (more than even the rise of Christian dance companies), people in the church are beginning to see dance as simply a visual, physical way of expressing an idea or emotion, and that expression can be worship.

I certainly hope she is right about dance becoming a more accepted art form in the church.  I have personally witnessed a few rare instances of liturgical dance that made me catch my breath at the glimpse it gave me into the heart of scripture.  It could be a powerful way of communicating the gospel.

Zoe continues:

Anyway, so back to Ezekiel.  It's just comforting to see that the things we're just now figuring out, Ezekiel was commanded by God to do.  He was using art, as it were, to tell a story or to present a message.  That is the purpose of art - not to be worshiped or even to draw attention to itself, but to tell you something about real life.  Art has a way of breaking down barriers.  A lot of people will not listen to a sermon, or if they hear something that starts to sound like one, they'll just close their ears.  The arts have the ability to reach beyond our defenses and speak straight to our hearts, sometimes without us even knowing it at first.  That's why they're so powerful, and maybe that's why God had Ezekiel do this.

Or, you know, maybe He was saying it's okay to let your kids play in the dirt.

Well…perhaps letting your kids play in the dirt was a secondary interpretation!  Still valid you know, but not the main point *extracts tongue from cheek*.

More Thinky Things

What forms of True Art do you personally prefer?  Are there forms of art which are not useful to the Body of Christ and therefore useless for worship or proclamation when the Body gathers (if you argue for this, you MUST provide scriptural support.  Ha.  For that matter, if you argue the opposite you must also use scriptural support.)  The “Worship Wars” continue to be fought in church after church.  Why?  What’s the big deal about worship that we need to fight over?  What’s the big deal about Art And All That for the Body of Christ?  And what is the result of the church’s abandonment of certain genres of art over the centuries?

Well…that’s a lot to think about.  You can read Zoe's entire post here . Ponder, post and, until next time:

Hold Fast

Art and All That, Part VI

Here in Central Texas we are having a beautiful fall, one that was sneaking silently and stealthily, like a cat slinking through the brush at the edge of the yard: a few whiffs of fall-ish air late at night or early in the morning were the only hints that autumn was stalking.  One day summer seemed still in full force, while fall settled down behind a screen of shrubbery, tail twitching, the victim unaware of its impending demise, making us all think summer would continue forever.  And then, as cats will do…

POUNCE!

The next morning the temperature had dropped, the heat-hazy air cleared, the light suddenly came from a different direction, the leaves on the trees which had been a deep late-summer green the day before had an orange tint to them, and the fragrance of fall accosted our summer-stale nostrils into fresh, enervated fascination.  Summer expired quickly and painlessly, as hoodies made their long-awaited but hurried exit from mothball-scented closets.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*

Thanks for reading that.  I’ve been just itching to write it down ever since it occurred to me.  A few of you may have encountered bits of it in things I’ve written here or there, but this is the full version.  So…how’d I do? (No, really.  Feel free to teach me better writing:  in a constructive and gentle manner, of course.)

Now to turn to the subject of True Art as quickly as our summer turned to fall.  It was of great encouragement to me to read an article by Rachel Starr Thomson over on the Speculative Faith blog. Here’s someone who gets “True Art”, and has the concept down well enough to apply it to her vocation of writing.

As a reminder, here is the working definition of True Art being employed in this series of posts:

True Art magnifies the greatness of God in Jesus Christ through the power of the Holy Spirit illustrating God’s Word through the artistic medium thereby motivating the gathered Church to proclaim the Gospel, to cherish God’s presence, and to live for God’s glory.

Rachel writes:

As a writer, I grapple with the idea of loving my readers. I don’t write merely for myself. I don’t even write for God alone. He has placed me here, in this world, so I write for readers–to love them in obedience to God.

That paragraph packs quite a punch for me, and may therefore qualify as True Art in its own right:  it makes me wonder if I am loving those who partake of my art, or if my focus is too narrow—is my art only there to gratify myself, or even only for God alone, in disobedience to His command that we love? Since this motivates me to proclaim the Gospel, cherish God’s presence, and live for God’s glory, it meets the criteria of True Art in and of itself.

Rachel continues:

Excellence has to be a part of that. Love and excellence go hand in hand. Where we don’t love, we can’t be bothered. When we care passionately, on the other hand, our best hardly seems good enough. If we love our readers, we’ll work at the story, at the sentences, at the themes. If we love our readers, we’ll revise. If we love our readers, we’ll apply ourselves with dogged commitment.

How I wish that a very long list of people (a list that would include me) could acquire this concept.  My music students.  Any number of unskilled, untrained, unprepared church members who claim their hearts are right and therefore they have the right to sing or play a solo before the congregation.  Writers of poorly written “Christian” poetry.  Makers of B (or even C!) “Christian” movies.  Posters on blogs who do not think that spelling matters...

God have mercy on us all.  Give us real love for You, Lord, that pours out in a passion that makes our best seem hardly good enough.

Then she comments:

We write with love, too, when we let our imaginations go and burst forth and make places and characters that inspire, that enervate. Lord of the Rings is a work of imagination, through and through, but it’s imparted real courage to me. Thank you, Master Tolkien, for your love.

Yes, thank you, Master Tolkein.  And Master Lewis.  And Paul the Apostle.  And Ludwig von Beethoven.  And Michelangelo. And Rachel Starr Thompson.

Thinky Things

You can read Rachel’s entire article here.

Are there places in your life where your lack of love is obvious?  Where your art isn’t True Art?  Who are some famous artists you know have loved you because they cared passionately about excellence?  How about unsung artists who showed love to you through their excellent art?  Why not give them a plug in the comment section ?

HOLD FAST (to what is good and excellent!)…

Young at heart?

I'm still a little girl in many ways...standing in front of the colored pens, I want one of every color!

Hold Fast!

My Secret Admiring

I have a secret admiring.  No, not a secret admirer—at least not one that I’m aware of.  (Hey, dream guy, if you’re out there, it’s way past time to quit keeping it a secret, ok?)

Of course, after this post it will not be quite so secret any more, but that’s ok.  I shall be humbled by the revealing of my secret admiring, and perhaps you shall find this amusing.  It’s worth it.

Wednesday morning on arising, I looked out the sliding glass doors at the end of our house, across the deck, and because our house is two storied, gazed directly into the eyes of a young…


…Buzzard.

Yes, my secret admiring is buzzards.  At least, American Turkey Buzzards.  I was gazing into his eyes because he had foolishly decided that the top of our security light pole would be a lovely roost for the night.  As I said, he was young.

I know he was young because after inspecting him with the binoculars the girls and I gave ourselves for Christmas last year (for viewing night skies, actually, but they work great for other things, too) dear old Google was brought into service to find out what kind of buzzard he was.  Finally this picture popped up, and I knew I had found my bird:

Mature turkey buzzards have red heads, which was why it took a few minutes of searching to discover why this one had a grey head. 

Buzzards live in abundance in our area.  For some, I am sure they are pests.  I know that the electric company has installed special shields of some kind underneath the boom arms of the big standards carrying the large, high-voltage wires along a nearby highway, supposedly for some purpose related to the pestiferousness (it’s my word.  Don’t make fun of it unless you’ve never made up a word) of these beasties.  The shields don’t seem to keep them from roosting on the booms, so I have no idea what other purpose they serve.  Sometimes rows of the birds can be seen on standard after standard, most of them with the outstretched wings typical of the species.  This pose is reportedly for the purpose of exposing as much surface area to the sun in order to burn off all the bacteria they encounter during meals.

For buzzards, as you probably know, are one of the Creator’s solutions to garbage disposal.  Many a time I have observed one or a group of them (and occasionally swerved to miss them) on the road as they fed on the unfortunate remains of another animal’s encounter with 4,000 plus pounds of steel hurtling at 60 miles an hour.  So the first thing that I will mention about my admiration of buzzards is that they willingly clean up the worst possible messes made.

Sort of like your mother.

In addition, they clean up the leftovers from other animals’ meals.

Also sort of like your mother.

An article on the subject comments that turkey buzzards:

have weak, chickenlike feet, which are suitable for running on the ground.  These vultures cannot lift or carry food with their feet.  They can only step on their food to hold it in place while eating.

I admire this because it would be a very helpful condition for those of us who are mass-challenged.  It would be more difficult to increase in mass if they only way we could eat was to tear off pieces of our food while holding it down with our feet, don’t you think?  Now…don’t steal my idea.  I’m thinking of marketing it on the shopping channel!

Yes, folks, for just 19.95 you too can become the slim, trim person of your dreams!  Simply purchase the Amazing Trimmer-Downer and use as directed.  You exercise while you eat!

This is not like your mother….but she may need one!  Buy one for her for Christmas, and we’ll throw in the Amazing Secret Weapon Tipbook for free!

Haha.  Just kidding.

The buzzard’s secret weapon is rather…disgusting.  I read the Amazing Secret Weapon Tipbook, btw.  I tried it during the first few months of each of my children’s gestations—but it didn’t work.  You can’t get good quality help anymore, you know?

The most important thing I admire about buzzards, though, is their flight.  The Vulture Society website (yeah, I know…who knew???) gives a few facts about turkey buzzard flight:

Flight
Turkey Vultures fly with their wings in a dihedral (V-shape).  They are most graceful in flight, and can soar for hours at high altitudes without ever flapping their wings.  Their occasional necessary flaps and takeoffs are quite laborious, however, and the birds often fall victim to predators and cars as a result. 
  How the Turkey Vulture Flies:
The turkey vulture is one of the most skilled gliders among the North American birds.  It migrates across the continents with minimal energy output.  Vultures launch themselves from their perches only after the morning air has warmed.  Then, they circle upward, searching for pockets of rising warm air, or thermals.  Once they have secured a thermal, they allow it to carry them upward in rising circles.  When they reach the top of the thermal, they dive across the sky at speeds near 60 miles per hour, losing altitude until they reach another thermal.  All this is done without the necessity to flap.  In fact, the turkey vulture can glide for over 6 hours at a time without flapping a wing!

Apparently the area of our neighborhood has some seriously great thermals, because hardly a day goes by when we can’t spot a buzzard or two or three soaring effortlessly up and up and up until they are barely a speck in the sky.  Often, they zoom directly over our house, casting large, fast-moving shadows on the windows, alerting us to the fact that the buzzards are playing in our sky “yard” again. 

I am fascinated by watching them.  There is something so joyful, and so amusing, and so…inspiring, I guess, about watching these creatures, whose dirty, thankless, smelly job would seem to make them bitter and gloomy and friendless.  They use the energy they acquire from cleaning up messes to soar to giddy heights again and again.

And that makes me think.  And smile.  God gave them the nastiest, dirtiest job, but also gave them one of the greatest gifts.

Sort of like your mother.


.....HOLDFAST

The "Fear" Book

Well, you’ve heard about the Star Book.  After the last On Hold post, it occurred to me that perhaps you might benefit from knowing about the “fear” book.

'Cause I have one of those, too.

The “fear” book got started because while I try very hard to keep my cargo hold full of good stuff, it is inevitable that some of that which I, as a fallible human, deem worthy to put down there turns out not to be eternal.  Last night I received some disappointing news, and as I was pondering it I happened to walk by one of the open cargo hatches, catching a whiff of something putrid.  I descended into the hold and found not one, but several items that had begun to rot or mold—thoughts that seemed practical at the time, but have since degenerated into fears. 

The best way to clean out these types of messes is not to ignore them.  Even praying about them will not deal entirely properly with them and sanitize the surrounding area.  No, these particular types of growths and putrefactions must be mercilessly removed and jettisoned.  God reminded me of my “fear” book, which I have not used in several months, and I knew right away it would be the perfect method for getting those fears out of my mind.

The “fear” book started in the winter of ’09.  I have been a journal writer for many years; particularly after my husband died, and I still felt the need of an evening “debrief” to get stuff off my chest without harming or burdening others.  Michael J. used to be that repository for me (yet another of his Christ-like attributes), so without him I felt I had no where to put the stuff, and began writing it down. Mostly, it is just what I call “heart barf”.  It’s faithless, fearful, self-pitying anxiety attacks put down on paper.  I have charged my children that should they find any of these journals lying around after I die they are sworn under oath NOT to read them, but just to burn them…immediately and without remorse!

But the ”fear” book is somewhat different.  In the spring of ’09 I was going through some very tough things—so tough that my kids were worried about my mental state.  God graciously showed me that I was not dealing with these fears in a way that glorified him; nor was it effective in truly helping myself!  And so began the “fear” book.

In it I committed to record all the fears that were plaguing me, but with a few differences from the heart-barf I habitually wrote.  This time, after I recorded the fear that was plaguing me, I would also record the scriptures that would jettison that fear!  The Word says “perfect love casts out fear” (I John 4:18), and I knew that scripture communicates that perfect love that has for us.  I also knew that sometimes the fears come because there is some lack of action in an area on my part, so I determined that when I could discern there was action to be taken, I would record that as well as a personal prayer referencing the scriptures and asking for God’s intervention in my heart and life to overcome the fear.

It has been a remarkable journey.  I usually hate re-reading through my old journals—but not the “fear” book!  I love to re-read through this one and realize how many fears have NOT come true, and see how silly they seem not only in retrospect, but up against the powerful love of my Lord!

You, too, can have a “fear” book.  In fact, I highly recommend the practice!

Step one is the most fun:  go to the store and buy a spiral notebook or empty journal of some sort.  (undated.  Dated ones really intimidate me, and besides, I don’t have to deal with fears every day.)  Pick a beautiful one, or (for the guys) one that really appeals to you.  Then walk over an aisle or two and look through the pens until you find a set of 4 different colored pens that you like.  Maybe they even coordinate with your journal, eh?

Step two:  You will be recording 4 different things in your journal, if yours turns out like mine (I’m leaving room here for God to tailor the approach to your specific needs).

• 1.     Your fear.  One at a time, please!  If you have several fears attacking you, then each gets a separate entry.

• 2.    Scriptures you can find that address that fear particularly (see examples below).  Copy them right out…don’t just list the reference.  It’s part of the therapy to interact physically with the scripture by copying it.

• 3.    A written prayer based not on the fear, but on the scripture. (see examples below).

• 4.    Action points (if necessary)—things that you have realized you need to  do to glorify God and take care of that which He has given you.

Each item above gets a different color of pen.  This is so that you can easily see the scriptures and prayers without having to read through a bunch of heart barf.  I recommend making the scriptures the darkest color you have picked.

I do date my entries, by the way.  I think it’s faith-building to look back to what I was going through at a certain time in my life.  I just don’t worry about writing in this every day, or even every week if I am coping well with my fear or don’t have any plaguing me at the moment.  Last night when I pulled the “fear” book out, I discovered that the last entry had been in January!  I will admit that that is probably too long to leave it.  I can think of several things I have been through since January that could have benefited from some “fear” book therapy.

Now, for some examples, taken straight from my own “fear” book (though edited in some cases to protect the, uhm, innocent) to show you how this works for me.  If you have any suggestions of how it could be done more scripturally, please comment!  Coincidentally…ok, not.  Providentially it turns out that the first example I found to post uses the phrase “hold fast our confession”.  Pretty cool, God. 

“6.10.09…I realize again that I don’t know how to be a mom, especially in this new season, having transitioned from a mother, to a mother-of-the-bride and mother-in-law.  I try to think very hard how to respond and react, but I do this so unsuccessfully.  I don’t even know what I need or how to learn what is important.

Hebrews 4:14-5:9  Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession.  For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses…let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.  For every high priest chosen from among men…can deal gently with the ignorant and wayward…in the days of his flesh, Jesus offered up prayers and supplications, with loud cries and tears…learned obedience through what he suffered.

Prayer:  Father God, help me to remember that you deal gently with me, ignorant as I am;  You sympathize with me and offer me mercy and grace in time of need.  I admit to You my need and ask You to sympathize with my desire to be a good mother and growing Christ-follower and with my ignorance.  I ask for mercy and grace as I make mistakes and also ask that You give the kids mercy and grace for me and for themselves to help them with the things I fail to be able to support them in.

Action point:  Enable me to remember to ask for help and proper responses at each opportunity.”

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“9.20.09  I do not know how to face this problem in the church.  It looks from my perspective that it is all my fault.  Not only that but people who acted like and claimed to love me really were harboring the most awful offenses against me.  Am I to take this as suffering for Christ, or the result of my own sin?  I honestly don’t know.  And some have suggested that it is only my self-focus that makes this about me in my perspective…but I don’t want to fail to see my sin, or to learn better from this.  Is that pride or proper piety?  There are no answers.

John 16:33  I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace.  In the world you will have tribulation (suffering).  But take heart (be courageous); I have overcome the world.
I John 5:4 For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world.  And this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith.

Acts 27:20-44  When neither sun nor stars appeared for many days, and no small tempest lay on us, all hope of our being saved was at last abandoned…take heart for there will be no loss of life among you, but only of the ship…unless these men stay in the ship, you cannot be saved…take some food.  It will give you strength, for not a hair is to perish from the head of any of you…and so it was that all were brought safely to land.

Prayer: Lord, YOU have overcome the world.  You have overcome the world in me as well as everywhere else and in everyone else.  If I acted wrong, You have already overcome it with good!
Father, I can’t even imagine going through a day that I don’t lose a hair or many in the normal course of a day…well, here was one very difficult day when none of these lost one hair!  Help me, when things are hard and confusing and I feel as if You made a mistake in letting me live…help me to reach for food from You—the food of Your word, the food of doing Your will, the food of Your mercies and grace.

Action points:  Remember God didn’t/hasn’t make/made a mistake in letting me live.  Take food (spiritual) to strengthen me.  Stay with the ship.  Jumping ship into another boat will only result in not being saved.”

I hope these examples have encouraged you, and that you can use the idea of a “fear” book to help you in…

HOLDING FAST.