'Cause I have one of those, too.
The “fear” book got started because while I try very hard to keep my cargo hold full of good stuff, it is inevitable that some of that which I, as a fallible human, deem worthy to put down there turns out not to be eternal. Last night I received some disappointing news, and as I was pondering it I happened to walk by one of the open cargo hatches, catching a whiff of something putrid. I descended into the hold and found not one, but several items that had begun to rot or mold—thoughts that seemed practical at the time, but have since degenerated into fears.
The best way to clean out these types of messes is not to ignore them. Even praying about them will not deal entirely properly with them and sanitize the surrounding area. No, these particular types of growths and putrefactions must be mercilessly removed and jettisoned. God reminded me of my “fear” book, which I have not used in several months, and I knew right away it would be the perfect method for getting those fears out of my mind.
The “fear” book started in the winter of ’09. I have been a journal writer for many years; particularly after my husband died, and I still felt the need of an evening “debrief” to get stuff off my chest without harming or burdening others. Michael J. used to be that repository for me (yet another of his Christ-like attributes), so without him I felt I had no where to put the stuff, and began writing it down. Mostly, it is just what I call “heart barf”. It’s faithless, fearful, self-pitying anxiety attacks put down on paper. I have charged my children that should they find any of these journals lying around after I die they are sworn under oath NOT to read them, but just to burn them…immediately and without remorse!
But the ”fear” book is somewhat different. In the spring of ’09 I was going through some very tough things—so tough that my kids were worried about my mental state. God graciously showed me that I was not dealing with these fears in a way that glorified him; nor was it effective in truly helping myself! And so began the “fear” book.
In it I committed to record all the fears that were plaguing me, but with a few differences from the heart-barf I habitually wrote. This time, after I recorded the fear that was plaguing me, I would also record the scriptures that would jettison that fear! The Word says “perfect love casts out fear” (I John 4:18), and I knew that scripture communicates that perfect love that has for us. I also knew that sometimes the fears come because there is some lack of action in an area on my part, so I determined that when I could discern there was action to be taken, I would record that as well as a personal prayer referencing the scriptures and asking for God’s intervention in my heart and life to overcome the fear.
It has been a remarkable journey. I usually hate re-reading through my old journals—but not the “fear” book! I love to re-read through this one and realize how many fears have NOT come true, and see how silly they seem not only in retrospect, but up against the powerful love of my Lord!
You, too, can have a “fear” book. In fact, I highly recommend the practice!
Step one is the most fun: go to the store and buy a spiral notebook or empty journal of some sort. (undated. Dated ones really intimidate me, and besides, I don’t have to deal with fears every day.) Pick a beautiful one, or (for the guys) one that really appeals to you. Then walk over an aisle or two and look through the pens until you find a set of 4 different colored pens that you like. Maybe they even coordinate with your journal, eh?
Step two: You will be recording 4 different things in your journal, if yours turns out like mine (I’m leaving room here for God to tailor the approach to your specific needs).
- 1. Your fear. One at a time, please! If you have several fears attacking you, then each gets a separate entry.
- 2. Scriptures you can find that address that fear particularly (see examples below). Copy them right out…don’t just list the reference. It’s part of the therapy to interact physically with the scripture by copying it.
- 3. A written prayer based not on the fear, but on the scripture. (see examples below).
- 4. Action points (if necessary)—things that you have realized you need to do to glorify God and take care of that which He has given you.
I do date my entries, by the way. I think it’s faith-building to look back to what I was going through at a certain time in my life. I just don’t worry about writing in this every day, or even every week if I am coping well with my fear or don’t have any plaguing me at the moment. Last night when I pulled the “fear” book out, I discovered that the last entry had been in January! I will admit that that is probably too long to leave it. I can think of several things I have been through since January that could have benefited from some “fear” book therapy.
Now, for some examples, taken straight from my own “fear” book (though edited in some cases to protect the, uhm, innocent) to show you how this works for me. If you have any suggestions of how it could be done more scripturally, please comment! Coincidentally…ok, not. Providentially it turns out that the first example I found to post uses the phrase “hold fast our confession”. Pretty cool, God.
“6.10.09…I realize again that I don’t know how to be a mom, especially in this new season, having transitioned from a mother, to a mother-of-the-bride and mother-in-law. I try to think very hard how to respond and react, but I do this so unsuccessfully. I don’t even know what I need or how to learn what is important.
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Hebrews 4:14-5:9 Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses…let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. For every high priest chosen from among men…can deal gently with the ignorant and wayward…in the days of his flesh, Jesus offered up prayers and supplications, with loud cries and tears…learned obedience through what he suffered.
Prayer: Father God, help me to remember that you deal gently with me, ignorant as I am; You sympathize with me and offer me mercy and grace in time of need. I admit to You my need and ask You to sympathize with my desire to be a good mother and growing Christ-follower and with my ignorance. I ask for mercy and grace as I make mistakes and also ask that You give the kids mercy and grace for me and for themselves to help them with the things I fail to be able to support them in.
Action point: Enable me to remember to ask for help and proper responses at each opportunity.”
“9.20.09 I do not know how to face this problem in the church. It looks from my perspective that it is all my fault. Not only that but people who acted like and claimed to love me really were harboring the most awful offenses against me. Am I to take this as suffering for Christ, or the result of my own sin? I honestly don’t know. And some have suggested that it is only my self-focus that makes this about me in my perspective…but I don’t want to fail to see my sin, or to learn better from this. Is that pride or proper piety? There are no answers.
John 16:33 I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation (suffering). But take heart (be courageous); I have overcome the world.
I John 5:4 For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith.
Acts 27:20-44 When neither sun nor stars appeared for many days, and no small tempest lay on us, all hope of our being saved was at last abandoned…take heart for there will be no loss of life among you, but only of the ship…unless these men stay in the ship, you cannot be saved…take some food. It will give you strength, for not a hair is to perish from the head of any of you…and so it was that all were brought safely to land.
Prayer: Lord, YOU have overcome the world. You have overcome the world in me as well as everywhere else and in everyone else. If I acted wrong, You have already overcome it with good!
Father, I can’t even imagine going through a day that I don’t lose a hair or many in the normal course of a day…well, here was one very difficult day when none of these lost one hair! Help me, when things are hard and confusing and I feel as if You made a mistake in letting me live…help me to reach for food from You—the food of Your word, the food of doing Your will, the food of Your mercies and grace.
Action points: Remember God didn’t/hasn’t make/made a mistake in letting me live. Take food (spiritual) to strengthen me. Stay with the ship. Jumping ship into another boat will only result in not being saved.”
I hope these examples have encouraged you, and that you can use the idea of a “fear” book to help you in…
HOLDING FAST.
Oh, I need one of these. Pens and a book are going on my grocery list right now! Thanks for posting this!
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